Spinning on that Dizzy Edge
by LoveMyWay
Summary: Amidst the chaos of her life, Alice is just trying to hold it all together while Bella attempts to heal, Edward searches for redemption, and that cute guy from the band seems to appear everywhere she goes. All Human.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**Alice**

"Shit, shitty, shit!" I muttered to myself as I practically sprinted along the pavement toward the bar, trying to dodge other pedestrians who looked at me in either disapproval or amusement at my language. I didn't care. I just kept on my way, occasionally glancing at my watch in the ridiculous hope that the minute hand would suddenly just decide to jump back about half way around the clock face.

I was late for work. Yet again.

It was unavoidable really.

No, that's a lie. It _could _have been avoided. But when I was faced with a decision between my best friend Bella who had needed me, and punctuality in my shitty job, well it wasn't exactly a difficult choice.

Even if I desperately needed said job, and had already gotten two warnings in the past month.

When I got to the bar I pushed the door open and entered cautiously, thinking that maybe Paul, the manager, wasn't in yet.

"Brandon! You're late"

I never did have much luck.

"I know, I know. It won't happen again" I promised, taking off my jacket and hanging it up behind the bar.

"That's what you said last time" he muttered, but turned away and headed to the back room. Huh. Guess he must have been in a good mood tonight.

I turned to Emmet, who looked at me and let out a low whistle.

"You know Alice, if you didn't make that uniform look so good he would have fired your ass a long time ago"

I flipped him off and he laughed, but I resented the fact that he was probably right. I mean, I'd like to think I was hired because I can make some fucking killer cocktails, or even because of my impressive customer service skills. But no. I could tell from day one, when Paul looked me up and down, smirking in approval and said I could have a trial at the bar, that any of my relevant skills had nothing to do with my employment here. I could make margaritas with battery acid and probably still keep my job as long as I was wearing my uniform while I did it.

The uniform in question was beyond ridiculous, and more than a little degrading.

I mean, fucking shorty shorts that were so damn short my ass cheeks were only a couple centimetres away from showing themselves. And as if that wasn't enough, I had to wear them over fishnet stockings. Then, up top, the uniform consisted of a super tight white shirt, and a little black vest. Not covering too much of course, we didn't want to hide the goods. Apparently the slutty look was good for business, and I really did look like Queen of the Tramps. I was just waiting for the night I walk home and a car slowed beside me, a pervy old man asking how much for a couple of hours.

Yeah, it was _that _bad.

"So what's up kid?" Emmett asked, leaning against the bar. It was still early, so there wasn't many customers, leaving us time to chit chat behind Paul's back and quickly start wiping at invisible marks on the bar whenever he emerged from the back room. Being a Friday though, and because we had a live band coming tonight, it was bound to get pretty busy soon.

"Don't call me kid" I shoved him, which was about as effective as trying to tear down a brick wall with one of those giant inflatable hammers. Emmett was a huge guy. And I was pretty tiny. A fact that he liked to remind me of by constantly referring to me as 'kid'.

"So what's this band like?"

"Awesome. You'll love them, kid" he grinned, just to annoy me. I looked up at the chalkboard above the bar.

_The Papercuts: Tonight from 9pm_

I hadn't seen them before, but I'd heard the name and was looking forward to watching their set. Emmett apparently knew the singer pretty well, so he had set the gig up. According to him, the band had been making a pretty big name, acquiring quite the cult following, and would probably draw a fairly big crowd. Sure enough, the bar filled up to pretty much maximum capacity and Emmett and I were run off our feet serving drinks. Somewhere along the way the band took the stage and began their set, but I was far too busy to stop and watch. I settled for listening, bopping my head a little to their frantic rhythms, while I worked the bar. Only during miniscule breaks between customers did I catch a quick glimpse of the nodding head of the bass player, or drumsticks thrashing about, or a mess of blond hair hovering over the microphone.

After a while, the rush at the bar died down as everyone turned to the stage to hear the final song, and I had a chance to lean back and get a better look at the band. The singer was strumming furiously on his guitar for a solo, and then he looked up to lean his mouth into the microphone and started singing again. His dirty blonde hair fell about his face haphazardly, his shirt rolled up to the elbows exposing strong tanned arms, and when he reached the chorus his lip twitched a little and I couldn't stop staring.

Whoa.

My attention was dragged away by a customer clearing his throat in front of me.

"Two beers?" he said.

"Sure"

Obviously I had really spaced out staring at the singer. But as I turned toward the beer tap, any thought of him flew out of my head as I caught sight of a familiar face stepping into the bar and weaving through the crowd, looking as confident and cocky as ever, looking for someone – looking for me.

Edward Cullen.

His eyes met mine and he made his way toward me. Forgetting the customer, I walked out from behind the bar and stopped in front of Edward. Emmett obviously hadn't seen him come in, or he would've taken care of this himself. But that was ok. I could deal with Edward Cullen.

"Alice. Long time no see" he smirked down at me. What the hell was he doing? He knew he was absolutely not welcome here.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked, not bothering to hide my anger at his presence.

"Can't I visit an old friend?"

"Seriously, Edward"

He looked down at me, considering his answer for a second before opening his mouth again.

"I heard a rumour that Bella was back in town"

Oh _hell _no.

"You stay the hell away from Bella"

Edward leaned down so his face was level with mine, wearing that arrogant expression that I'd come to hate so much.

"Now Alice, do you honestly think she'd _want _me to stay away?"

That son of a bitch. It was still all games to him. He didn't care what he had done to Bella, what she had become.

"Get out of here Cullen"

"What are you, jealous that I didn't come for you? You know, in that little uniform, I might consider it..." he gave a little tug on the hem of my shirt and I couldn't help what I did. He was here, and he was asking about Bella, and all I could see in my mind was my best friend, curled up on our apartment floor after this boy had completely destroyed her. And now, he was _smirking _at me. I lunged at him, hitting him, trying to physically push him out of here, push him out of our lives.

"You broke her, you bastard!"

He tried to grab at my arms to stop me, making me angrier, and I just kept hitting. People were starting to stare.

Suddenly a large pair of hands landed on me and practically lifted me off the ground, dragging me away.

"Put me down Emmett!"

"No way baby girl, do you _want _to lose your job?"

He took me toward the back room, opened the door and pushed me in. The band members, who had finished their set and were chilling out back here with some other random people, looked up at us curiously. I ignored them, turning to face Em.

"Emmett-"

"I'll take care of it" he said. Then he dragged me over to the couch in the middle of the room and gently pushed me down into it. He looked around the room for a second.

"Jasper!" he called, and the singer, appeared at Emmett's side, looking down at me with interest.

"Yah?"

Emmet nodded down at me and pointed as if I was five fucking years old.

"Do me a favour and keep her in here will you?"

"No problem" Jasper said smoothly, not taking his eyes off me. Any other time the prospect of being stuck in a room with this boy would have been more than appealing, but not now. Not when Edward Cullen was right outside. I glared at Emmett.

"I'll come get you when he's gone" he said, turning and leaving the room.

Jasper slumped down beside me. He grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels from the table in front of us, filling a glass and sliding it toward me. I just shook my head, looking at the door.

Screw this.

I went to stand, to go out there and yell at Edward some more, to make sure he wouldn't come anywhere near Bella, but a strong hand grasped my own and pulled me back down onto the couch.

"Whoa now pixie, you heard the man"

Pixie?

Really?

Now I was annoyed. I sure as hell did not need a baby sitter in the form of a messy haired boy with a Southern drawl which would have been sexy if I was not so pissed off at that moment. And he was still holding my hand but I snatched it away.

"What are you, my baby-sitter?"

He grinned at me, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his head turned toward me.

"I'm Jasper Hale"

"Good for you"

He chuckled.

"Are you always so hostile?"

"Only when I'm being imprisoned against my will"

He nodded, as if conceding that that was fair, but there was a glint in his blue eyes and it seemed like he was trying not to laugh at me.

"What's your name?"

I sighed and answered him.

"Alice"

"As in...Wonderland?" he grinned again.

"And what are you, the freaking Cheshire cat?" I asked him when his grin didn't disappear.

And then his grin morphed into a full on chuckle that was actually extremely cute and irritating at the same time.

Suddenly the door opened and Paul barged into the room, obviously furious.

"Alice! What the hell was that? You think you can just _attack _our customers?"

I heard Jasper choke on his drink next to me, trying not to laugh.

"And not just anyone either, that was fucking Edward Cullen!"

"Yeah, I'm well aware of who it was, thanks Paul"

Of course _that_ would make all the difference.

There was an incident only a couple of weeks ago when a customer had tried to grope me. Normally, Emmett would appear in a split second and escort the offending customer out, but this particular night Emmett wasn't nearby so I took the liberty of letting my knee connect with the pervert's crotch. And Paul had hardly cared then.

But _Edward Cullen? _God forbid we would offend anyone from the Cullen family. They were as close to royalty as you could get in this city, and I'm sure Paul was terrified that word of the way I had treated Edward would somehow find its way back to papa Cullen who could probably get this place closed down with one little phone call.

"You know Alice, I've given you far too many warnings lately, and now this...you'd better consider how serious you are about this job-"

That was it.

I stood up from the couch to face him. I'd had enough of this.

"You know what Paul? It's hard to be serious about a job with such shitty hours, shittier pay and this ridiculous uniform. I mean, come on, _fish nets? _I fucking quit"

This shocked him. He'd obviously been all talk with his threats.

"Now...now come on, Alice" He was shaking his head "You don't mean that"

"Don't I?"

I was pretty sure I did.

"Well...uh...how about a raise?"

"No freaking-"

_Wait._

A raise?

I nodded at him slowly.

"And no more fish nets?"

"No more fish nets" he agreed, somewhat reluctantly.

"Well that's a damn shame" Jasper murmured from the couch behind me. I shot him a quick glare, catching him eyeing off my legs but he only lifted his gaze to meet mine, and winked, his mouth twitching into a half grin again.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to Paul.

"Fine"

"Good. And no more fights" He turned and left the room as Emmett came back in and stood in front of me.

"Oh what, am I free now?" I asked him sarcastically.

"Yeah. Come on" He grabbed my hand to take me back out to the bar.

As I stepped away, Jasper, who was still watching from the couch, groaned.

"What?" Emmett asked him, amused. "You didn't think I'd let you keep her all night did you?"

Jasper leaned back in the couch, looked at me for a moment and then back to Emmett.

"Emmett, I was hoping you'd let me keep her forever"

Emmett just laughed at Jasper and led me out of the room.

"Jesus Ali, I leave you in there for five minutes and you already managed to make him fall in love with you?"

"Somehow I don't think that was love" I told him, rolling my eyes. "Em, what happened with Edward?"

"I just told him to get out of here. I told him to stay away from you"

"He asked about Bella"

"Yeah. I also told him I'd break every bone in his body if he went anywhere near her, too"

"And he just left?"

"A couple of cocky remarks later, yep"

I nodded. Edward wasn't looking for a fight. Even if he came to start trouble, he wasn't the brawling type. That's not the way the boy works. He could destroy a person with words and false promises, he was not accustomed to have to resort to physical violence. I just hope Emmett's warnings were enough to keep him away, but something told me it wasn't that easy.

We kept serving drinks and the crowd eventually started to dwindle. Somewhere along the way the band left the bar, I watched as the boys and a group of others stumbled toward the door. Jasper turned his head, looking around before stepping outside and his eyes caught mine. His lips twitched up into that grin again before one of the other guys pulled him outside.

Rosalie, Emmett's girlfriend stepped into the bar just as we were trying to get the last patrons to leave.

"Rosalie, I can't believe you come to pick Em up at this hour"

"Oh, I don't come here for Emmett" she winked at me. "I just want to try my luck with the fellas. What do you think of that one?"

She nodded toward an almost unconscious man resting his head in his arms on the bar, the last guy left. He was mumbling to himself incoherently and appeared to have lost a shoe.

"From Emmett, I would say that's a step up" I tell her loud enough for Em to hear.

Emmett rolled his eyes, making his way to Rosalie and throwing his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.

"Hey babe. Is Alice trying to be funny again?"

I went and tapped Mr Mumbles on the shoulder, and after telling him we were closing up and then refusing, as gently as I could, a slurred proposal of marriage, he left and we locked up the bar.

"Seeya guys" I said, turning away from Emmett and Rosalie in the street, but Em grabbed my arm and yanked me back.

"Oh no no" he said, scolding me. "What have I told you about walking the city streets at night? We'll give you a ride"

"Not necessary"

"It's no problem Alice" Rosalie smiled at me. "I'll let you have shotgun. Trust me, you'd be doing me a favour. If Emmett was up front he'd be messing with my radio and making me listen to the abomination that he calls good music"

I stared out at the city lights as Rosalie drove through the streets toward my apartment. I never got sick of those lights. God, I loved this city. I think I was made for it, we complimented each other, I thrived here. I was never meant to be a small town girl, I didn't belong in Forks and hadn't looked back since we left.

Unlike Bella.

After we moved I thought she had actually found her place here like I had. Until the after effects of Edward Cullen left her questioning whether she really belonged anywhere and she went back to Forks, even though I knew she hated it as much as I did. But she had to get away from this place and everything that reminded her of him and she didn't have anywhere else to go. And then I think she recovered a little, convinced herself that this city was the lesser of two evils, and came back.

But what would she do if I told her that the very reason she left this city had appeared in front of me tonight and had only wanted to know about her? She needed to forget him; she had been trying so hard. And if I told her, it would torment her.

I had always been the one to look out for Bella, to protect her. I didn't think I could put her through that.

When I got home, she was asleep on the couch while her Breakfast at Tiffany's DVD glowed on the TV screen. She always watched Audrey Hepburn movies when she was depressed. I switched it off and found a blanket to pull over her but she stirred awake.

"Hey, how was work?" she yawned up at me.

"Same as always" I lie.

"Nothing exciting happened tonight?"

_I managed to get a raise. _

_An attractive Southern boy wanted to keep me forever._

_But the biggest thing?_

_Edward Cullen came in._

_He asked about you._

_I'm scared to tell you this. _

"No" I tell her "nothing at all"

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**Or, you know...even if you didn't...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Edward**

I was well aware of the extent to which I had pissed little Alice Brandon off. I could practically see the steam pouring from her ears as we had our little confrontation in the bar, she was fucking mad.

I always did seem to have that effect on her though.

And hey, there was just something about her that always bought out the asshole in me.

A confrontation between us was never going to go well, but I knew that. And I went into the bar, knowing full well that she still worked there and that she would not be happy with me turning up. But I had to find out about Bella.

It had only been the day before when James came around for a drink which ended up being a few drinks and then mentioned that he had seen her.

"I went to an exhibit at the art gallery today" he had told me, swigging his scotch. I braced myself for a recap of his latest sexual conquest, I had expected him to tell me about a girl he met there – James didn't go to galleries to experience culture and appreciate art as much as to pick up girls. I just wasn't expecting him to tell me about _this _girl.

"Oh?"

"Saw that girl you used to date"

I poured another drink, totally uninterested in the topic.

"Which one?" I humoured him.

Yeah, there had been a few, but not many that I cared to hear about.

"Uh...you know..." he said, clicking his fingers trying to recall. "Long dark hair, fair skin, legs for miles...fuck...Belinda?"

No.

"Bella?" I asked him, trying to feign indifference and appreciating the fact that James was such a self-absorbed son of a bitch that he didn't notice what a fucking terrible job I was doing of it.

"Bella! Yeah, that's it"

Shit.

_Bella._

The very name sent a shock through my entire body. And no girl should have that effect on me, no other girl ever had, and it God damned pissed me off that _she_ could, but...

I hadn't known she was back.

After James passed out on my couch I spent the whole night thinking about her. I couldn't sleep, thinking about that damn girl. When she was gone, back in that shit-hole of a town she grew up in, I could play the whole _ignorance is bliss _card. You know, she was so far away I didn't know how she was going, I had no real evidence that I had fucked the girl up beyond repair, and so I could pretend everything was just peachy. That maybe she was better off there, maybe she'd found someone else, an old school friend perhaps, someone who I admittedly would probably want to strangle with my bare hands but who could make her forget about me.

It would be good for her to forget about me. And what I had done.

The other thing was, with her so far away, I convinced myself that it wasn't rational to dwell on the fact that I had completely fucked up what was perhaps one of the best things that had ever happened to me. Because she was gone, and I couldn't fix it.

But now she was back.

Bella was back, in the same city as me. And for some fucking reason, I couldn't function properly, knowing that.

Of course I was smart enough to know that she wouldn't want to see me, after what had happened between us. But I needed to do _something_. Maybe it was just to ease my own conscience or maybe there was some other reason, but I needed to know that she had returned to the city as the Bella I knew in the beginning, not the Bella I had left in the end.

I assumed that the girls were still living in the same apartment, the tiny third-story walk-up that they had seemed so excited to inhabit, but which had always looked like hardly more than a closet to me. Like hell was I going to show up there. Because I was worried that if Bella answered the door I would either be faced with angry Bella or sad Bella and I wasn't ready to confront either.

And if Alice answered the door? Well, then I could kiss my balls goodbye.

So I went to the Eclipse Bar, because at least there, there would be witnesses.

Alice Brandon had reacted exactly the way I expected her to. It was fairly close to fucking fire and brimstone. Yeah, I shouldn't have provoked her, with the tugging of her slutty little uniform and telling her I'd consider settling for her. But, like I said, Alice Brandon bought out the asshole in me.

She'd judged me the first time she laid eyes on me, that girl. I could see the disapproval in her eyes the very first time I had made Bella laugh, the very first time she agreed to go out with me. Disapproval, right from the beginning. Whether she was right about me or not, that just fucking pissed me right off. And her god damned self righteous protectiveness of Bella, I didn't like that much either. I knew that both she and Bella had some issues, that Alice had reasons for being so protective and from what Bella had told me I gathered that there was something or other in Alice's past had left her wary of newcomers into their lives, but that was no reason Alice should look at me as if I was the devil incarnate, as if I would be the death of Bella.

But, considering how things turned out, I guess I have to admit that Alice had reasonable foresight. Obviously her predictions weren't too far wrong.

I _had_ hurt Bella.

I _should _leave her alone.

So Alice got angry, and yelled, and started shoving at me, her tiny hands not doing much more than merely irritating me, while a rock band exited the stage in the bar and people switched their attention from the stage to the scene Alice was making. Then it was what she said that had the most impact.

"_You broke her, you bastard"_

And that made me feel like ten kinds of shit.

_Broke _her?

I had about two seconds to feel like a pathetic excuse for a human being before Alice Brandon was whisked away by Emmett McCarty. And the look he shot me over his shoulder as he led her away told me we weren't even close to being done there. That was fine by me; I wasn't ready to walk away just yet either.

He reappeared and marched toward me, eyes cold, and expression hard, and stretched to his full height, which was really fucking tall.

"Cullen"

"McCarty"

He folded his arms across his chest, making his biceps bulge, and stared me down.

"I'm only gonna say this once. You are going to turn around and get the fuck out of here. You're going to forget where Alice works, where she lives, her favourite god damn pizza place. You're going to leave her alone"

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, that's right. And Cullen? If you go anywhere near Bella, and you have my word on this, I will take great pleasure in breaking every bone in your body" he warned me.

I had no doubt that the bastard could do it, too.

"Guess I'll have to find something else to keep me entertained then. You still dating that hot blonde or did she finally come to her senses? Because I wouldn't mind a piece of that..."

Of course I wasn't interested in Rosalie Hale, I was just being an asshole because I didn't particularly like the way McCarty was acting. And because hell, I was good at being an asshole.

"Don't test me Cullen"

"Wouldn't want your seconds anyway, man" I told him, turning on my heel. "Pleasure as always"

Emmett was an alright guy, for a time. He hadn't been so forthright about his judgement of me as Alice had when I started seeing Bella, but I could tell he was wary in the beginning. I guess they had reason to be – my reputation wasn't exactly squeaky fucking clean. But then, when I didn't use her and leave her as quickly as I was accustomed to, Emmett and I actually got along for a while there.

Of course, that clearly changed after the breakup.

I walked out of the Eclipse Bar and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

"What?" James answered after a couple of rings.

"Where are you? I need to be amused"

"At the club man, get your ass here"

I found James in his usual position, on a sofa in the dark black corner of the club, red-hair and d-cups on either side of him. He had a thing for red-heads. And obviously, big tits.

"Here he is" James announced as I sauntered toward them, raising his glass to my arrival.

"Hey James. Victoria", I nodded to the girl on his left, she'd been hanging off James like a leech lately. The other girl, I didn't recognise.

"This is Chloe" James gestured toward her.

"Zoe" she corrected him.

"Sure" James replied, as if he didn't give a shit. And the bastard probably didn't. The girl rolled her eyes, but continued stroking his leg. I took a seat in the black leather sofa opposite them.

I ordered a drink as James fished around in his pocket, winking at me. I knew what he was fishing for, and I knew that anyone else wouldn't do this here and that the staff hovering about had to be well aware of what was going down. But come on, who was gonna kick Edward Cullen out of anywhere? I was accustomed to not worrying about it.

The Cullen name could do wonders in this city, being the son of Carlisle and Esme Cullen was like having a free pass to...well, to whatever the hell I wanted, really. Life was pretty fucking spectacular in that sense. The only downfall was that while this entire city was willing to kiss my ass, my own parents, always concerned about image and reputation, were always ready to kick it. And the more I took advantage of our name, the less they wanted the Cullen name to be associated with me. They were still hoping I would magically turn into a saint overnight, start actually going to my college classes, and become a successful businessman worthy of the family name before any more of their hairs turned grey as a result of the stress and embarrassment they constantly reminded me that I inflicted upon them.

But I didn't give a fuck about their grey hairs.

James made some perfect lines on the shiny mirrored surface of the coffee table between the couches and took his turn before gesturing to me, telling me I was welcome to do the same, as always.

I leant toward the white powder, out of habit, I guess.

That fucking white powder. The coke had invoked the biggest look of disapproval I had ever seen in my parent's eyes, had made me lie, do something terrible, had led to Bella...

Well, being _broken_, according to Alice.

And she'd done nothing to deserve that.

It was that fucking white powder.

Fuck that. Bella had never even touched it.

It was _me_.

It was what the coke did to _me._

Or maybe not. Maybe if I removed the excuse of the drug, I would have to face the realisation that I had hurt Bella because that was just the kind of asshole I was. And that was a depressing thought.

Why was that suddenly so depressing? I had never felt the need to apologise for anything about myself or the way that I lived. So why did I have to go to the Eclipse Bar to see how Bella was, and why did Alice's words make me feel so much like shit?

"Not tonight man" I told James.

That was the first time I'd said no in a really long time. James looked at me in shock, as if I'd just told him I enjoyed dressing up in women's clothing and rolling around in jelly, before shrugging and offering the lines to his red-headed lady friends, who smiled and took them willingly.

And I was left wondering what the hell was going on with me.

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**Thanks for reading! Review, if you'd like. I would like!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Bella**

I used to be a morning person.

Not anymore.

I embraced the comfort of sleep.

So when Alice barged into my room, sat on the edge of my bed and started softly poking me and saying my name, I squeezed my eyes closed even harder and tried to ignore her, tried to hold on to those last threads of sleep.

Poke.

"Bella"

No.

Poke.

I groaned, rolled over.

"Bella" She was relentless. "Bellllllaaaa"

Ugh.

"Bella!"

"What?!"

"Get up"

With that she pulled the sheets roughly off me, shoved a steaming cup of coffee in my hand and slapped a newspaper onto my lap.

"What's this?" I asked, looking down at the red circles she had already scrawled onto the pages.

"Time for you to get a job, babe. You've been back for a couple of weeks now, you've barely left the apartment...you've become pathetic Bella"

"Christ, don't sugar coat it Alice"

"I'm your best friend. I don't have to"

She skipped out of the room and I looked back to the paper. I knew she was right. I needed to do something with myself. Something other than lounging around the apartment watching Audrey Hepburn movies.

I sighed, giving in. I climbed out of bed, coffee and paper in hand, and padded out into the kitchen where Alice was making pancakes.

"You're right" I told her. I _had _become pathetic. I spent most of my time, since coming back to the city, doing pretty much nothing.

I tried.

Well, kind of. I went to the art gallery. But that little excursion had ended quite abruptly. Because as soon as I saw something that reminded me of Edward, in the shape of his best friend, I turned my back and left. Walked away before James could see me and we'd have to have some kind of awkward and painful conversation. Walked away like the coward I was.

"Of course I'm right" Alice said, turning back to me. "We had dreams, you know? When we left Forks. Let's just forget that you went back for a while, and pick up where we left off, yeah?"

And there it was. The guilt. I knew Alice wasn't trying to make me feel guilty, deep down I knew that she wasn't even hurt by me leaving, she wasn't angry, only worried. But there it was. We _did _have dreams. A new life, finally away from Forks. I mean, sure, our dreams didn't exactly consist of Alice bartending downtown and me carrying around trays of food for a catering company, but at least we'd started somewhere.

And as soon as things got rough, I up and left.

Left Alice, the only person who was _always _there for me, the only person in this world I could really trust. And someone who, although she would probably never say it out loud, I knew needed me as much as I needed her.

But it had hurt too much to stay. And I felt like a complete and total idiot for letting him hurt me so much, because I should have known better. Should have known, that apart from Alice, there was no one else I could trust. People use people, I knew that that's the way the world works.

My mother taught me that. I learnt the hard way that people use even the ones they are supposed to love.

And still, I let him do it to me.

I don't know why I had ever expected that he would be different, but I should never have let him get so close. On that very first day, when he had used me even then, but in such a ridiculous way that I eventually ignored it, that should have sent alarm bells screaming. But I didn't hear any alarm bells that day. I only heard him.

His laughter rang across the room. It was the first week of my new job with the catering service, I had just moved to the city, was just the clichéd small town girl. I had never even heard the name Edward Cullen. But for some reason his laughter stood out amongst all the noise in the classy book launch full of snobby well-to-dos at which I was handing out glasses of champagne and I turned in its direction, eager to see who it was coming from.

And my eyes met his, a pair of brilliant green orbs that held me in a trance and somehow made me walk toward him. He took a drink from my tray, smirked at me as if he knew exactly what effect he was having on me and raked his eyes slowly down and then back up my body. I didn't like the way he did that, and it was enough to break me from my trance. I came to my senses, turned away and continued with my job.

"Oh my god, Edward Cullen totally just checked you out!" Jessica, a fellow employee, whispered in my ear as I fetched a new tray of drinks.

"You know that guy?" I asked, peeking back at him. It didn't escape my attention that his eyes drifted to mine and he smirked again, as if knowing that we were talking about him.

"You don't? Are you serious? Bella, _everyone_ knows the Cullens"

My small town roots had never been so obvious as when Jessica Stanley looked at me as if I had been living under a rock my entire life. Full tray in hand, I started another circuit of the room. Edward Cullen didn't catch my eye again, though I noticed he was now engaged in conversation with a tall, leggy, probable supermodel and I steered clear, until I heard my cue – her shrill voice saying,

"God, what do I have to do to get a drink around here?"

As I approached they resumed their conversation or rather, argument.

"You cheated Tanya, that's unacceptable" Edward Cullen was saying.

"Pot calling the kettle black, don't you think Cullen? I know you, you have no problem with infidelity. Your only problem is that _I _cheated on cheated on _you_ first. That never happens to you, does it? But anyway, let's move on" she rubbed her hand up his arm. "We were good together, Edward"

"We weren't _that _good"

"God, you're just pissed because I bruised your ego. Let's try again?"

Before he answered, they both noticed me standing there. Edward stared while Tanya took a drink, saying "About time", and I walked away, leaving them to their argument.

I was out on the balcony taking my break when I saw him again. I was looking out over the city when I heard the footsteps. I swivelled around to see those green eyes, that smirk. Edward Cullen was handing me a glass of champagne.

"Uh...I'm working" I told him.

"I know. You're handing out these" he waved the glass as if I were an idiot. When I didn't take it he shrugged, sat it on the railing.

"So..." he lit a cigarette. He was beautiful. But still looking at me as if I were his prey, it was off-putting and irritating, no matter how beautiful he was. "How do you like serving these overly wealthy stuck up clowns?"

"Aren't you one of the overly wealthy stuck up clowns?"

He chuckled quietly.

"Yeah. Guess I am"

He put the cigarette in his mouth, held it between his teeth and said "I'm Edward Cullen" whilst holding his hand out to me.

"So I've been told"

I held out my own hand to shake his. And as soon as our skin made contact I felt...._something._ A jolt, a zap, it sent tingles running up my arm and it shocked me that I could have such a reaction to his touch.

"Your name?" he asked, looking down at our hands and leaving me wondering if he had felt the same thing before he slowly withdrew it.

"Bella"

"Ah, Bella. Appropriate. Italian for-"

I rolled my eyes, cutting him off before he could say it.

"_Non disturbarti" _

He looked at me, confused.

"_That's _Italian for don't bother. I can't even tell you how many times I've heard that line"

He shrugged, but seemed amused, the corner of his lip twitching upward.

"Alright, Bella. I won't say it" Then he looked over his shoulder, saw the probable supermodel watching us and she certainly didn't look thrilled.

"Your girlfriend doesn't look very happy that you're out here, Edward" I told him.

"Ah, Tanya. She's not my girlfriend"

"Then why is she looking at me like I've stolen her favourite toy?"

Edward looked at her for a moment, as if trying to make a decision.

Then suddenly, he took a step closer to me and then one hand was on my waist, the other behind my neck pulling me toward him and his lips crashed to mine and oh god he was an amazing kisser but this was just all fucked up and I knew exactly what he was doing, I saw how pissed off he was with Tanya and now he was just trying to piss her off in return, prove a point maybe, so I pushed him away, and when he tried to pull me back in I slapped him.

"Fuck you" I said, attempting to step around him.

"What?" he asked, as if he couldn't believe that was my reaction.

But of course it was my reaction. He was using me. He was just like everyone else and I didn't take that from anyone else anymore.

"I'm not a prop for you to play around with! Yeah maybe you think you can do whatever you want, and maybe because I'm serving your upper-class ass you think that means you can do whatever you want with _me_, but whatever game you're playing with that girl in there, leave me the hell out of it"

I pushed past him and stepped back inside. Unfortunately I ran straight into my boss.

"Did you just slap Edward Cullen?" he asked.

"Yes"

"You're fired"

I left, hating Edward Cullen but never expecting to see him again.

And I would probably have been better off if I hadn't...

I was snapped out of my reminiscing by Alice placing a plate of pancakes in front of me.

"You take care of me too much" I told her.

In true Alice fashion, she just rolled her eyes at me.

"I'm serious Al. It's not fair."

"Not fair?"

"It's not fair that I get to be the mess and you get to be the saviour. You shouldn't have to be, you should be..."

"What?"

"Taking care of yourself"

"I _am_, Bella. And I'm fine. Plus, I'm not playing the saviour. I'm just being a friend"

"I would do the same for you, you know"

"I know. I don't need it though"

She didn't mean it as an insult, but it made me feel so weak. Because yeah, I was messed up. But god, so was she. Only she buried it. Hid it away. Pretended nothing was wrong and took care of me instead.

I mean, Alice never even talked about it, no one could guess that she'd had anything other than a perfect upbringing. Except Emmett I guess, but that was because he'd earned her trust and she'd told him, and because, well, he was Emmett.

She was so strong.

I wasn't.

Maybe I should have been more guarded, like her. I definitely shouldn't have given my whole heart away.

But that's exactly what I began to do the next time I saw Edward Cullen.

It was a week after I had slapped Edward and gotten fired when the catering company called me up and asked me to drop by. Assuming there was just some paperwork that needed completing, I went to the building. I was in a foul mood, having to see the man who fired me again, fired me for standing up for myself. But he greeted me with a smile.

"I'd like to ask you to come back to work for us" he stated. I was shocked.

"You fired me"

"I know. I've had some...time to reconsider and I realised my actions toward you were unjustified. Please, would you consider rejoining the team?"

And just like that, I had my job back. I wanted to tell him to shove it up his ass, that I didn't take that kind of shit from anybody, but unfortunately I desperately needed the money, so I just nodded my head. I left the building confused, annoyed, relieved.

He was out there, leaning against the building, cigarette again hanging from his mouth.

I saw him and kept walking.

He dropped his cigarette and followed.

"Bella, wait"

"Go away" I told him, not slowing down. He ignored me.

"So you got your job back"

I stopped then.

"How did you know that?"

"Well, it was kind of my idea"

"What are you talking about?"

"I felt a little..._off _about what happened. I acted like a dickhead and you called me out on it. I deserved the slap; you didn't deserve to be fired. So I talked to the company, told them how I felt about the matter"

"Oh, I see. One word from Edward Cullen and everything's fixed, right? I didn't need you to do me any favours" I started walking again.

"Alright"

"What, do you want me to thank you?"

"You don't have to" his eyes twinkled a little, as if he were amused at my annoyance.

"Then what do you want?"

"Hmm?"

"Why the hell are you following me through the streets?"

He chuckled at that, but kept his stride matching mine, not deterred at all.

"We should grab a coffee or something..."

"No"

"Why not?"

Frustrated, I walked faster, ready to cross the road. Distracted by him, I didn't check both ways, and there was the blaring of a horn and the front of a car so close when a hand wrapped around my arm and pulled me back.

"Jesus Christ" Edward muttered. His hand was still wrapped around my arm and the fact that those same shocks were coursing through my body at his touch did not escape my attention.

I tried to slow my heart rate, I took a deep breath. A combination of the shock of the near accident and the bizarre reaction I had to Edward's touch left me trembling.

"Shit" Edward said, looking at my shaking hands. "Are you okay?"

"Fine...I'm fine..." I said, but couldn't hide the tremble in my voice.

"No Bella, you're not. We're going to sit down for that coffee. You don't have a say in the matter"

Still too much in shock to argue, I allowed him to lead me, hand on the small of my back, into the nearest coffee shop. We took a seat.

We started talking.

And against my better judgement, I found myself having a good time with him...

Alice clicked in my face.

"You going to eat those or what?" she asked me, pointing to my plate of pancakes.

"Yeah, I was just thinking..."

"As if you even have to tell me what you were thinking about, Bella" Alice said. She didn't say it cruelly, but she knew. How could she not know? He was _all _I'd been thinking about. At least Alice had the decency to spare me the _I told you so _tone.

She did warn me.

Back then Alice had known as much about Edward Cullen as I did. But the day I got fired I had goe to the Eclipse Bar in desperate need of a drink and a good whining session and Alice sympathised, of course deciding that Edward was a complete asshole as soon as I'd finished my story. It was Rosalie, Emmett's girlfriend, who filled us in. Told us about the infamous Cullen family, the corporate giant father, the socialite mother, and Edward, the only child, handsome and rich and according to the papers, a complete player and nothing but trouble.

And so why did I let myself sit down with him and be completely taken by everything he said? Why did I let him tell me that he had a feeling, if he had let that car run me down, he would be missing out on something great? Why didn't I just up and leave when he told me that as soon as I had pushed past him on the balcony, all he had wanted to do was kiss me again and it had nothing to do with whether or not Tanya was watching?

Because I'm an idiot, that's why.

And when I took Edward in for a drink at the Eclipse after we had left the coffee shop, I could tell that's exactly what Alice was thinking about me too.

Later she told me to be careful, that she had a bad feeling. I put it down to the fact that Alice didn't trust _anyone_, and she was protective of me, always had been. I should have taken her more seriously though, Alice was rarely wrong about these sorts of things.

In my case, she was spot on.

And I was going to listen to her now, go over her red circles in the paper, find myself a new job and become less pathetic. Forget about Edward Cullen, or at least, not let his memory bring me down any more. Obviously, I couldn't escape him in the city. And I would never forgive him for what he did, and part of me felt like my heart would never be completely put back the way it was before I knew him. But I decided, then and there at that breakfast table, I could sure as hell show him he didn't completely destroy me.

* * *

**Perhaps, a review?**


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